Posts Tagged ‘Night thoughts’

Talking to myself

1 April 2008

Well, it being three o’clock in the morning there’s no one else to talk to at the moment, apart from the cat. So I’ll talk to myself. But I’lll do it here, which means that I am also talking to the whole world. Which is not listening. I know that because a week ago I put a counter on my home page and I know that approximately five people in the world have ever been there. And I know who at least two of those are.

As a non-blogger, I am often a non-talker. Usually, it seems to me, there are more reasons to say silent than to speak. If you say something, basically, you weaken your position. What you say may be taken down and used in evidence against you. On earth indifference is the least/We have to fear from man or beast. If you write something down, it’s worse, because you are capturing the evidence yourself, making it solid and enduring. And if you put it on the Internet, well, God help you!

So why do it? To feel the fear, do it anyway, and lay the ghost. Most likely no one will read it, though that doesn’t remove the danger. The danger is that I say something I wish I hadn’t. Night thoughts, lying awake, can often get tangled up in dream thoughts that I certainly wouldn’t want to publish. But trying it out, I don’t think that’s going to happen.

It is, I think , worth having this place where I can talk, in public but perhaps to no one. I like it.